Two Cats & Eight Goldfish
by MissJudged16
Summary: The morning after Lily and James have an argument. Lily finds herself wondering why James is the way he is. Eventually, she reaches a conclusion. oneshot fluff


**Two Cats & Eight Goldfish**

**by MissJudged16**

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Disclaimer: Ummm, no.

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I, Lily Marie Evans am destined to become a spinster. I will live with eight cats and two goldfish. Or maybe two cats and eight goldfish. Either way, I am fated to be alone for the rest of my life. Unless I become a nun. But perhaps they will not want me because I am a witch. I would have to renounce magic. I don't know if I could do that. Then these past seven years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry will have been for nothing. I will have become Headgirl and graduated at the top (hopefully) of my class for simply the fun of it. I would be throwing my schooling away to spend the rest of my days as Sister Lillian.

So that settles it. I will become a spinster and live with my two cats and eight goldfish. Or perhaps just the goldfish. Cats smell bad and I am allergic to them. But fish are horrible pets also. They do nothing but blink stupidly at you. Not to mention you have to clean their tanks and feed them once a day. I don't know if I'd remember to take care of them. They would probably die and I wouldn't notice. Well, if I can't be a spinster and I can't be a nun, then what can I be?

Bugger, someone is knocking at my door. It has to be James Bloody Potter, the Headboy. No one else would dream of bothering me so early on a Saturday. I could just pretend to be asleep. I was after all a late sleeper, usually. He never had to know our argument last night kept me tossing and turning until three this morning. He didn't have to know that dreams of his face woke me up hours before my alarm was due to ring. He never had to know.

"Lils?"

Blast! Was it getting cold in here? It had to be because I never shivered at the sound of his voice. No, I was mad at him. I wouldn't allow myself to react to him like this. Merlin, he wasn't even in the same room as me! Maybe if I held really still he'd give up and go away.

"Come on hun. Talk to me. I know you're awake. I heard you moving about almost an hour ago. I'm, well, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have well, you know, jumped to conclusions about you and Greenstone. It's just, well, I can't blame a guy for, and well you know. And I mean, we have been fighting all week. I wouldn't blame you if you well, you know. I mean, I guess, well, I know I, I need to work on being less overprotective. But, you know how much I, well I mean that, you know."

He was overprotective. I suppose it had something to do with wanting to date me for five years previously to actually getting me to agree to date him. But I still didn't understand why he just couldn't let it be. It wasn't as if I was going to run off with the next thing that came along. It wasn't my fault that Simon Greenstone, (the third most wanted bachelor at Hogwarts) had asked me out yesterday after lunch. Nor was it my fault that he thought it appropriate to wink at me everytime I passed him in the hallway. But if James even thought for one second that I would agree to date anyone other then him, then he was much more insecure then I originally thought.

No, insecure wasn't the right word. Because James Potter was anything but insecure. He was simply, unsure about our relationship. I got the feeling he was afraid I was going to dumb him one day simply because I wanted to make a point. I didn't blame him for being so unsure. I had hated him for the past six years. Then I avoided him for the first half of this year. Finally, on December 24, my 18th birthday, and Christmas Eve, we began dating. Since then, we rarely had gone one week without bickering about something or another. April 24 will be our five-month anniversary. But I'm starting to doubt we'll make it another two weeks.

It's not that I don't love him. I just don't know. One minute we'll be getting along fine, you know, acting like a typical couple. The next, we're arguing over some stupid thing that really doesn't even matter. We're such opposites that it makes no sense that we even have one or two things in common. Let alone enough common ground to date. He rarely does his homework and I turn mine in every day. He enjoys being social and I would rather curl up with a cup of tea and book. He likes talking all the time, and I enjoy listening. He's a peacemaker and I'm a fighter. Maybe we're just too different. I always thought there was something that held us together. But maybe, we're just together because the circumstances are convenient.

"Ok, be that way Lily. I have to go to Hogsmeade and get a few things. I'll be back after lunch sometime if you want to chat."

I knew he was disappointed that I hadn't said anything to him. But what was there to say? I wasn't sure what the next step was for myself, let alone for our relationship. I was tempted to simply see where it went. But at the same time I wanted to end it before he did. Unless he wasn't planning on ending it. What if we were really designed to love each other? We had never verbally said the words 'I love you.' I mean, they were small words, but before you even thought about saying them, didn't you have to follow guidelines or something? Wasn't there some rule about not fighting, or maybe having a healthy relationship? Or did you just have to know that you really did love the person?

Maybe my problem was that I was so concerned on following guidelines. It seemed as if all our arguments stemmed from disagreements on the way a relationship should be. I was always trying to follow the 'steps'. Step one: find a prospect date. Step two: Get to know your date. Step three: Take said date out. Step four: Court said date if it works. Step five: Kiss. Step six: Keep things on a light level in case of break up. That sort of thing.

James was a whole different kettle of fish. He always seemed to be doing what his heart told him. If his heart said to kiss me, he would. If it told him to hang back, he did. If it told him to step up to the plate he did. But whatever he did, he did it with everything he had. It was as if, although he was unsure about our relationship, he was willing to risk everything on it. If he decided to kiss me, he'd kiss me like it was our last one. If he hung back, then he would do absolutely nothing. If he went forward, he went with all he had. Maybe it wasn't a relationship problem, maybe it was my problem?

Even if he was upset over something, he still seemed content. He told me once that he never harbored any regrets. Did I? Yes, I did. If he died right now, I'd regret not telling him that I love him. If he died right now, I'd regret not giving him one last kiss. Maybe that was why he did everything with all he had, because he knew it might be the last time.

I finally understood why James was so unsure about our relationship and yet at the same time, he attempted it with all he had. Because he loved me. He was unsure because he was terrified I'd walk away. But he didn't want to hold any regrets if it did end. It all finally made sense.

I stumbled out of bed and flung open my dormitory door. The portrait of the four founders was just sliding shut.

"James! James!" I ran threw the common room, to the painting. I pulled it open and scrambled threw the small hole. He was walking down the hallway, his hands in his pockets. I could tell by the slump in his shoulders, something was on his mind.

"James!" I called once more. He turned around and smiled at me. I loved his smile. I loved his messy hair. I loved his hazel eyes. I felt my throat stick together as I thought of what to say.

"I thought you were still peeved at me." He took a few steps towards me, then stopped when he noticed the thoughtful expression across my face. He waited, his eyes locked on mine.

"I, I want to, I, I, well, you know." I bit my bottom lip.

He took a few more steps until we were nose to nose. He placed his large hands on my waist and pulled me to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we stood there, hugging.

"I love you James."

He pulled away to look me in the eye. I could tell he was thinking. I felt my heart hammer in my chest as I waited for his response.

"I love you too Lily."

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A/N: Howdy! It is extra important that if you read you review. I very much want to hear your thougts. A simply Yay! or Nay! Would do the trick. That is all I am asking. Thanks very much. If you do review I will do my very best to write you back. 


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